我是寂寞的。。。

突然间。。觉得很没有安全感。。到底我在想什么？到底我要的是什么？我想连我自己也不知道。。好想痛痛快快的大哭一场。。发泄出压抑已久的情绪。。我不是在闹脾气还是什么。。只觉得我好像缺少了些什么。。觉得生活很空虚缺乏意义。。或许是缺少了家人在身边吧。。接下来的新年。。没得跟家人一起度过。。没得跟家人一起吃团圆饭。。真得很不习惯！我。。真的真得很想家！！！！！！！！！！！！我要回家！！！！！！！！！！你。。明白我在想什么吗？你。。又明白我真真要的是什么吗？？用白话真的很难跟你解释清楚。。请不要老是误会我。。多花点时间了解我好吗？？我也向我们的感情生活是可以开开心心幸福的走下去。。但这是需要双方面的配合与迁就才能做到的。。退一步海阔天空！！我觉得很空虚寂寞！我宁愿上课因为至少可以分散我的注意力。。。我好想诚实的回答！这些。。。都是我要的！我不后悔选择这条路！圣诞节来临了。。但。。为什么我感受不到那温馨的气氛？？for me i think that this is a lonely lonely christmas i ever had...为什么？？反而我会觉得害怕。。但又不知害怕些什么。。快崩溃了。。爸爸，妈妈。。你们过得都还好吗？又为了什么而烦吗？身体都还健康吧！好想念妈妈煮的彩！想念爸爸的关心。。想念兄弟姐妹们的欢笑声。。每次想起你们。。都会不经意的流泪。。因为我真的真的好想你们!可是我也不会忘记对爸爸妈妈的承诺！这条路是我自己选的。。所以我会勇敢坚强的走下去。。我会厉行我的承诺！祝福我把!为我祈祷吧！让上帝的光照耀我看顾我！也希望劳工的事业顺利！我董最近你为了很多金钱上的压力而烦！我又帮不上忙！唯有在精神上支持你！加油啊！！好吧！希望可以跟你度过难忘又逾快的圣诞节和新年吧！

Boring Sunday

ggrr...woke up quite early today..caused of stomach ache..hmm...after that started to do my assignment..actually this assignment had given to us i think on early of october...but we never bother about it until we knew the assignment due tomorrow..then just worked hard on it..anyway...i felt so sorry to my group leader, sok chan..cause i think all of the members din coperate and give her a hand with the assignment..for me myself, i've jus done 3 to 4 pages thingy out of the 21 pages...and oothers i think she did it plus the power point slide as well...i knew that she did it for the whole day and must felt fatigue..anyway get a good rest...i wished to help her in the afternoon..but suddenly my best fren amy texted me said that she's coming to find me for lunch..hmm...then i took shower and went out with her...we chit chatted about 2 hours in asia cafe...then went to buy magazine and come back to my room...at night..my bf came back and we went to asia cafe to dinner again...sigh...everyday asia cafe...should get a member privilege card by then..haha..then we sent her back to sunway...what a boring sunday...Mr J is sleeping at the moment even i keep disturbing him but he doesn't want to wake up and play wit me..guess he's too tired..anyway let him have a good rest...gonna take shower once more as i smelled like asia cafe now...haha...good night bloggie!good luck for my presentation tomorrow...GOD bless me and people who loves me..thanks god...

13th of November 2008

here i'm to upload some photos....haha...took it two weeks ago...but forgot to update it...

Here he is....my dear Mr.J..haha...he is my private n handsome driver...he's so adorable... on that particular day...he picked up my friend amy from sunway then we went to cineileisure...

,this is side view of miss Amy...she's one of my best n closest friend... we have known each other since 13yrs old...she's a part time model cause she has a super nice body figure,tall, and pretty face...

We started to self-whorings after finished our drinks...boring actually..somemore rainy days..spoilt our mood...
my dearest one Mr J...always my love...muacks...winkzzZz..

Cute cute face of him...funny...."eeeee"

Two of the most important persons in my life...my inspiration...love them so much....muackks....

Last photo we took in cineileisure before we went back....^^

What is LOVE??

Love...for me it is like an investment...if you invest more,you'll get higher risks...yet higher repay...but if u invest lesser,u'll get lesser payback..it is so contray...when you really in love with someone else..u really wish u would sacrifice more...n do more for d person...but on the other hand..u will think that if u love the person deeper,will u get hurted deeper at the end??this is what bear in my mind...i love J so much..everyday i try to do the best to make him satisfy and make him happy...i think i tolerate so much with him...but the way J talk to me is always like...erm...how should i describe?hmm..."fierce"...always with anger tone...sigh...that's y i always hide and cry myself....cause J hates ppl cry the most...actually i know he loves me so much too...but maybe he doesn't want to express it out or wadever i dunno...for now...i'm feeling some kind of sour in my heart...processing my tears...i told myself that no one worth my tears anymore..but sorry i couldn't control it...if this continue to happen...i really dont know how long can still both of us stand of each other....how wish i could be like other sweet couples...really so envy them although J always say this is so not realistic thingy...^^but girls r always not realistic...we always live in our own dreamland....but i'm not so into it so it's ok...oh yeah...few days ago i even deleted my friendster account...because of"a guy sent me a smiley face then he got angry and thought that i had affairs with the guy"..isn't it funny??LOL...if this happened because u love me too much and dun wan to loose me...then i'll not regret for i've done...if this happened because of you're selfish...it will only makes me to hate u more day by day...anyway thanks for ur mcdonald today^^MR.J..haha...actually this shouldn't be the things i need to concern for now...i should pay more attention on my study because this is the major one...anway hope GOD wil bless me and ppl who i love and who love me....^^Good night Mr Blog...^^

rainy day

hmm....i skipped class again this morning...actually i wanted to go but i've fell sick... serious flu which i'm used to have it...woke up 1pm...after took shower and eat maggi...i went to sch to sit for d test...it's so hard...i have totally no idea and simply get it done...then passed up...it was raining out there when i got out...i get wet in rain because i had no choice at that moment...arggh...i must not skip class again...otherwise will get few warning letters...sigh...my dear promise to buy me kfc tonight if i do my homework and tidy up my room...i've forgive him and we promise each other will behave and wont hurt each other...we'll treasure each other and appreciate this relationship...as a girlfriend,i should support him no matter what....n we should not fight because of d small little things...hmm...we r so happy now...^^thanks GOD!!i think i'll stop here as i need to do my homework then tidy up my room..finally take a short nap...tata~~kaza kaza fighting!!!

Feel so down.......

Hello Mr.Blog...today is my first time to create my own blog here. Suddenly i have this idea is because of during the presentation today, one of my classmate talk about blogging and benefits of that. I really do believe in what he say about the benefits of blogging. Now, i have way to release my stress or even to share my happiness and sadness with all the fellow... Oh ya, talk about this morning, usually our monday class start from 10am until 5pm. But for this week class 10am to 12pm maths class has been cancelled due to the reason of the lecturer took leave. While i'was sleeping, Yen Yang called me and asked me which class supposed to go..So funny..i told him that the class was cancelled..then he went back home and next was sang han's turn to call me...omg...this happen cause of they never concentrate...haha...then i wake up at 10.30am to take shower..arrgh...today is my presentation day ...so damn nervous cause first time i do public speaking...but luckily i have done it...^^ At night, i take dinner with my bf at mamak shop.. We eat a lot of things like 2 nasi lemak, 1 ayam tandoori, 1 roti, 1 ice lemon tea n 1 watermelon juice..Everyone is like focusing on our table...so funny two ppl eat this much...But after come back we fight again...because i saw his phone..recently he keep sms with a girl...even this morning after he woke up the first thing he do is to sms the girl?i'm wondering how the girl look like?why he care so much about her??why he want to let her know everything he do?obviously he is showing interest at the girl...what the fuck!!what am i to him??just a sleeping partner?i really dunno...we used to break up many times..i'm trying my best to change the attitude that he doesn't like...i really do....but i'm totally heart broken after see his phone...i rather don't touch it at all....guess what he explain to me?he told me they r just friends....but from what i can see in fact is more than a friend will do...Will you text your girlfriend or friend first once u wake up???i'm not a stupid girl....i cry after i see it...dunno y i feel so pain in my heart...like something stab into my heart...but honestly u dont worth my tears anymore!!~~and what i wanna tell u is I AM NOT BACKSTABBER...i'm just telling the truth....God, please decide for me..... tell me what to do..what should i do...it's 2.52am now...i should sleep cause i'm having early class later on...have to wake up at 8am...Good night Mr.Blog..